An oxymoron of sorts.

God and I have a pretty good relationship. But sometimes, I read/hear/learn things, and never follow through/apply them to my life. Hence, oxymoron. I've got the knowledge and am told to use it, and instead I keep it in some closed section of my brain. Anyways, next week is finals week, which is absolutely mind blowing, but I've got some plans for summer. Goals really.

1. Read my bible cover to cover.

2. Do what it says.

3. Stop worrying & rely on God.

4. RELY ON GOD.

I am very much someone who needs to be in control. Ask my friends, it's probably annoying sometimes. But even with God, I can't seem to shake the need to be in control. To have a reliable plan. To know all the steps of the plan. I've got to have it my way, and it's got to work. False. Every time I get hung up on being in control, like clock work, I can expect everything to start to fall apart. That's a sign in my opinion. Give it up God says to me, you are not in control. I've read it a thousand times, "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I know it. I've heard it. I comfort others with it. But until I start to believe it myself, to live it, its basically just a nifty compilation of words. So, I'm starting to stress about paying for school next semester, as I always do. But this time instead of freaking out, crying, yelling, getting angry, etc etc, I'm giving it up. God led me to Harding for a reason. He's got a plan. He's holding onto me. It's time to embrace that.

 ²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

James 1:22-25