Monday, June 17, 2013

Honduran confessional

Generally I'm happy to write about the endless supply of baby hugs&kisses and daily experiences I have here. But today something else is weighing on my heart. (I don't normally use that phrase, but here it felt right). Even thousands of miles away from the life I know in the states, I am still flooded with reminders of my life there. I still have access to all forms of internet (that's how I'm writing this) and social media outlets. Most of the time that's great. I get to keep up with the lives of people I know & love back home and they can keep up with mine. But the meat of this post is not about the pros and cons of social media, rather, it's a confessional of sorts.

Harding University is officially my Alma Mater (not entirely sure I'm supposed to capitalize that..but here we are). I have years of life experiences and a bucket full of friends to back that up. It was easily the happiest time of my life thus far and I'm blessed to have gotten the opportunity. But if you attended Harding, or have ever even heard of Harding, you've probably heard our nickname. The Marriage Factory. I want to chuckle and say that's just a nickname but...I holds a lot of truth. Being single is weird at Harding. If you go to Harding and are reading this, you're either single and going to agree with most everything I'm saying or you're seriously dating/married and going to think I'm being overly dramatic. Or, everyone is going to love it and love me and everything is going to be rainbows & butterflies. But, if at any point I seem dramatic, stop reading. It'll just be easier that way. xoxo!

Being single is not a hard thing to be. I like my independence and embrace it openly. But living in a community where the vast majority of people are either seriously dating/engaged/married, every now and then I have a moment of weakness. You start to wonder, "what am I doing wrong?", "what do I need to change", "how do I fix this", "no seriously, what am I doing wrong?". And usually it takes a call home to mom where I openly whine & wonder aloud where she tells me to just calm down and realize it's going to be okay. Then I usually say something like "you're right, it's just hard sometimes when everyone is off being happily happy" and she says something like "you're so young right now, when it's going to happen, it's going to happen. just calm down" and then we go back and forth like that for awhile until eventually I say something like "okay, yeah! I am young! I have SO much time! YEAH!" and I get way too excited and then I go on my merry way. Wait two-three weeks and repeat the process.

So now you're probably thinking, "what on earth made you think of that?? you're nowhere near that life right now! you're living the Honduran dream!!" to which I would say, I am living a dream, you're right! and then I would follow that up with, I went to Harding and at Harding, especially if you just graduated, it's wedding season for alllllllllll of your friends. Remember when I said I had access to all social media outlets? Oh, and I'm following Miss Emily's fairytale romance (which by the way, I am SO EXCITED for her!!!!!!!) Mostly I'm just trying to find me a Tom, you hear me out there world? Find me a British man! Or, actually, a Honduran man! Or if possible a Christian Honduran, British man. You're right, I'm being too picky. Can you tell I'm having a moment of weakness? But. It's fine you know? I found this cute little video on another blog and after watching it, I got the inspiration to write this little blog post. I can almost guarantee from here on out my posts will be about cute babies and wonderful (or maybe awful) experiences. I just had to vent this one thing. Love me through it!




  1. Tracy,
    I'm not usually a commenter on things (especially relationship stuff), but seeing as how I have much experience in the area of being a single thirty year old woman in Searcy, I felt that I may have a tiny bit of insight to share with you.
    Harding does have a way of sucking you in and making you believe that you should be married. I too have had many of the same thoughts as you. But while reading through the New Testament last year, I was amazed at how often the Bible talks about being single...and never in a negative way. In fact, sometimes it talks about it being better than being married. Now don't get me wrong, I am still a strong believer in marriage. I see how great it can be when I look at my parents and some of my friends, but I finally realized that God just may want me to be single. I'm not sure if he wants me to be single for the rest of my life or if he will eventually send me someone, but right now it is my job to find ways to glorify him as a single person. In my opinion, the church does not use single people like they should. For some reason we are overlooked, and in many ways I think we could probably do more than a married person could because we don’t have the family obligations that others do.
    Personally, I am sick of people telling me that I am a great person and that someone will come along when the time is right. I have been hearing that for at least 12 years now. Why can’t people just be okay with other people being single? I am okay with it. In fact, I am very thankful for it right now. If I had been married right now, I probably wouldn’t have been able to decide that I want to go back to school to be a physical therapist. And I wouldn’t be able to just move off to any school that I get accepted to. And I might not be dreaming about the day when I can go on a medical mission trip and help kids in foreign countries that can’t afford physical therapy.
    I say all this to hopefully encourage you! You are off doing amazing things and furthering God’s kingdom in so many ways. And if it still bothers you to be single, that is okay too. It took me a while to get where I am today. But hopefully you will eventually have a peace about it like I do, and just be thinking about all the awesome ways God is going to use you!
    Keep doing what you are doing over there! I’ll be saying some prayers for you!
    Shaya Hancock

    1. Shaya, thank you times a million for breaking your rule of not commenting! My personal favorite bit of advice "Personally, I am sick of people telling me that I am a great person and that someone will come along when the time is right. I have been hearing that for at least 12 years now. Why can’t people just be okay with other people being single?" It's in the moments that people question me being single that I start to be insecure in my singleness (not entirely sure that is a word, but it's fitting if it's not!). Your words are so encouraging and refreshing to hear! Thank you again for breaking your mold and sharing, it's exactly what I needed to hear!