I'm back from Honduras. My body is back at least. My heart and mind are still running around PLN with the kids I love so desperately. But this year is different. I'm sad, yes, but there is an overwhelming feeling of contentment and happiness. That is a God thing. Last year at this time, I was a puddle of emotions that didn't get out of bed unless absolutely necessary. I didn't even talk about Honduras or look at my pictures for probably a week. I was broken and I felt empty and alone. You can imagine the dread I felt when I knew I was going to have to experience all that again this year once I came back to the States. So before I left I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I prayed that not only would God bless our trip and our work while we were in Honduras, but also that He would hold our hearts close to Him once we came back. He heard me and delivered the comfort I desperately needed.
It's not like anything has changed. By that I mean, the conditions were all the same. If anything, it should've been harder leaving this time. Because now I had relationships I had established last year that grew this year. I was even closer to the kids now than I was a year ago. And I still had to leave. I still had to come home. But this year I have a different view on it all. Instead of thinking about how I only had five days with the kids, I thought about how I had five full days with the kids I loved so much. Instead of thinking about leaving them, I thought about how much I was bringing back with me when I left. Instead of dreading coming back to the culture of the U.S., I thought about what I could do to live a life God would be more satisfied with. It was the exact opposite of what I was expecting to feel.
It's not all rainbows and butterflies though. I still have the urge to cry when I look at the pictures and watch the videos. I would still give my right arm to go back to be those kids. I still don't love this culture. But after the pain comes peace. Peace in knowing when I can't hold Jose or Junior, they have a mother and a father and brothers and sisters who can and will. Peace in knowing that they are in God's hands. Peace in knowing I am in God's hands.
God blessed me with the opportunity to go back to be with the people of PLN
and I wouldn't trade that opportunity for anything in the world.