Monday, June 10, 2013

some days it rains.

 a lot has happened since I last wrote, each of which is important in its own way. for now, I'm going to just start with this to get it over with, or maybe I'll only write about this... here's the thing; Allison and I are improvising our lives here. completely & totally. we have no specific agenda for our days here (we're still waiting to hear about that..) and instead, we kind of just do our very best to help in any way we can. most of these times, we are told our help isn't needed. at first we would just insist that we could help with anything, but slowly we realized there really just isn't anything they need us to do. there are 12+ people in each house, so the work is divided and taken care of. it makes it a little difficult for us to feel useful. and that my dear friends is frustrating. so we just started playing with the kids even more so at least we were occupying them. but today,...a few minutes ago actually...(i'm probably writing out of emotion right now which probably isn't my smartest move), we were sat down and kind of reprimanded for taking the kids away from their chores and watching movies with them in the school. all of what we were told makes perfect sense and we completely understand. the hard part is that none of this was told to us in the beginning. actually, nothing was told to us. we went into this blind as to what was okay and have tried our best to improvise everything..with mixed results. I don't say any of this to say anything bad. it's just been a wake up call and a reminder for us that this is their life. these kids have school, the parents have work and we are very much so visitors in their world. they have lives and we need to do our best to respect that and work with/around it. I will add that it doesn't help that I take everything personally (it's a fault I'm not proud of) and have taken this kind of hard. it's hard to hear disappointment when you have been aiming so high to please. don't pity me, I'll be fine after a good nights sleep and some thinking time to realize I'm making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be. regardless, I'm still convinced this is what heaven is like and I am still head over heels in love with every experience I have here. God brought Allison and I here for a reason, that is one thing we both know, and for that we're holding strong. because even in the rain, there's nowhere else we'd rather be.

tracy lynn

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