love is a verb

most of you can probably guess, or you know me well enough to know, I love love. I love giving love in any form I can think of. gifts, hugs, kisses, pictures, you name it & I'll probably make it all about love. and naturally I love receiving love. this trip to Honduras was driven, from the start, by love. my love for this country, the way God whispers & at the same time shouts at me here, and the love I get to pour out on these kids & the love they give back to me. I came into this journey with my fair share of doubts. doubts that I couldn't get the money or that I couldn't carve out the time. but every time I feared, doubted or questioned, I let the memories flood in. the memories of the way it felt to have little arms wrapped around my neck or the joy I felt when a little voice whispered te quiero in my ear. *I'm already teary eyed y'all..* it's not something that is easy to explain. it's nearly impossible to convey the way my fears, doubts and questions instantly vanished when I made the time to just remember the love. and I'm so glad I made the time. every time. today is day 38 in Honduras. tomorrow will be our last full day here at the village. my heart is quite literally breaking. I can't comprehend how I am supposed to leave the little voices, hands and feet that have brought me an immeasurable amount of joy these last 38 days. and when I can't comprehend, I turn to the One that made this entire thing possible. the same One that put the spark in my mind and the love in my heart that got me here. God is always, thankfully, the ultimate comforter. Allison and I have, in my opinion, lived out one of the most exciting, spiritually uplifting, heart filling, blessings of an adventure. it really is hard to find the appropriate words. I am unbelievably thankful. I have formed relationships with so many people and have so many exciting things to look forward to in the future because of it. but the most exciting thing has been the transformation in my heart. my heart, as if it weren't before, is now entirely in Honduras. I don't know how, when, with who, how long or any of those unimportant things. what I do know is that I'm not done with Honduras, not by any means. God speaks to us in so many different ways and that has been so apparent to me here. it's not always words, sometimes it's people. lots of times it's the words of other people. God has been speaking to me a lot through my now good friend, Bob Goff (aka the author of Love Does). each of the following quotes has spoken to me in more ways than one since being here.

"But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright."

 “I’ve always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down.” 

“Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, "Let's go do that together.”

"...you know those things that have pinged you? Those gifts that are beautiful? Those countries and people who are most important to you? The God you love? Keep moving toward those....she just kept pointing me back toward the God I'm trying to follow, the people and places I've been drawn to, and the hopes that have emerged within me. That's what Jesus does too: He points us toward Himself."

 “Simply put: love does.”

I'm not ready to leave. honestly I don't know that, given the choice, I'll ever be ready to leave. but in the midst of the heartbreak, tears and pain that will follow, I know that I have loved and been loved. and lucky for me, I have a God, and lots of little voices, hands, and feet that continue to love me even when I'm hurting. especially when I'm hurting. everyday, chose to love. it's just better that way.