Saturday, July 13, 2013

plantains & broken hearts

when i'm sad, I ramble. you've just stumbled upon a lot of jumbled, 
rambling thoughts that i've thrown together and given a title. 
love me through it.

for as long as I can remember, i've always been bad at saying goodbye. just truly and wholeheartedly bad. if i'm lucky, i'll have a really awful, really great cry. but most of the time my body just revolts. I get sick to my stomach, I can't eat and i'm just generally uncomfortable. I get attached to people, to things, to places and to memories. it's just the way i'm wired. I say this to say, i've had/am having a tough time saying goodbye to the life I just lived for six weeks. i've been sick & sad for a few days now. I'm also having a really tough time finding the words to say to sum it all up. so instead, I' m going to let you in on the few but fairly deep blurts i've shared on Facebook recently.

thursday 7/11;
it's impossible for me to comprehend that these three bags and a pillow are all that's physically coming back with me to the States. in a few hours I'll be stateside and my heart will remain in Honduras. thank you to everyone that has followed this journey and prayed for Al & I along the way. we are so grateful for every happy moment, every tear shed and every memory we're bringing home

wednesday 7/10;
"I've always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down." saying goodbye to this country in the morning and putting my heart through another bout of pain. every little hug, kiss and whisper will be replaying in my memory until I return. Honduras, every time you do more for me than I feel like I could ever do in return. I'll be listening hard for the next time God calls me here, I promise.

each of the blurts represents a pretty big thought that i've tried to squish down into a few compact words. leaving Honduras is never easy. i'd even go out on a limb and say it's the hardest thing I have to do each year. this year was no exception. this trip, in it's entirety, has been a lesson of faith. Allison (go read her blog. we share a lot of the same thoughts, she just puts them into words a whole lot better) and I got to talk about how this trip was a huge leap of faith for both of us. neither of us thought this trip was possible, and in true fashion, God slapped us both in the face with a little lesson in faith. if you pray for it and ask for it, you better be prepared for it to happen. and through it all, from the very first blip of possibility, God has been blowing our minds, holding our hearts and leading the way. so here I am today, on the other side of that blip of possibility. confused as to where the time went, grateful that the time even came and waiting out the time in between the next time God calls us back. i've got a bag of plantain chips, a gratefully broken heart and a God that continues to shatter my expectations.


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