Monday, April 11, 2011

Don't get too comfortable.

I haven't written in awhile. Well four days isn't that long, but it feels it. I have a lot of thoughts spinning around in my head. A lot. But first I want to share my weekend. It involved flying home to NY to surprise my sister for her 16th birthday. And when I say surprise I mean, she had no idea/but really she had no idea at all/there was screaming involved/tears were shed/a scene was made, kind of surprise. Believe me, movies couldn't have done it any better.

Then as quickly as I had been there, I was gone. Back in Searcy. It's so strange how being gone for one weekend reminded me of so many things. First, it is way too easy to get comfortable living in the world. Second, I am grateful for the opportunities I have at school to grow. Third, I am blessed. 

I have heard my school, Harding, referred to as being a "bubble" more times than I can count. But it's not an incorrect statement. We are apart of this Christian community. My own little sanctuary of sorts. I am comfortable. It is so easy to feel like I am being a good Christian. When really I am just being. Too often I get comfortable. Everything is going well and this must mean I am good with God. I'm doing what I should be. There's his chance. Satan slips right in under my nose. Before you know it, my world feels like it's falling apart. Why? I thought I was doing well? So I pray a distraught prayer to God asking him why, why is He putting me through this. It feels like every time I finish that prayer I can almost hear God say, "Welcome back my sweet child, I've missed you." And it clicks. When was the last time I prayed just thanking God for the day he had given me? Or told him all about the things happening in my life? Oh yeah. The last time I prayed like that was right before I said to myself "Everything is going well, this must mean I am good with God." It hits me like a ton of bricks. Guilt. Shame. Grief. But then I am quickly reminded it's not too late. It's not my last chance. All it takes is me, running back to God to make it all right. So I do. That's what I am doing now. Running back. And I am comforted to know, my God is waiting for me with arms wide open. The Maker of all the universe is calling me by name. 

"May your unfailing love be my comfort..."
Psalm 119:76

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