Sunday, May 5, 2013

Tying the loose ends

Tracy Donitzen B.Ed.
that's my new title folks, well, 6 days from now at least.

so for some reason, this time around just seems like old news.
it's just not hitting me the same way it is everyone else.
at least it hadn't yet.
not until this afternoon.

the weirdest things make me reminisce.
today I'm at work, my very last shift mind you.
(so that's kind of a big deal.)
I leave the office to go to the restroom.
walking down the hall I look down at the tiles,
and then it hits me.
I'm about to graduate and leave this place.
tiles, y'all.
tiles finally made it all click.
why you ask?
because I start thinking, when will I see these tiles again?
and that ripped open the floodgates.
when will I see these buildings again?
when will I see my co-workers again?
when will I see my friends again?
when will I see Searcy again?
when will I see Arkansas again?
when will I even see the south again?
so here I am, in a state of bewilderment.
I am graduating college and leaving this place.
my home for three years and I'm expected to just pack up & go.
well if you know me,
and when I think about it, most of you don't,
I don't just detach myself from anything.
if I'm in, I'm physically, mentally & 1000% emotionally in.
so, somehow, between now and Saturday,
I need to emotionally detach myself from this life.
that sounds really overwhelming, and it probably will be.
I'm leaving behind a place I really did fall in love with.
thought it's not so much the place as it is the people.
I've made a lot of wonderful, life-changing friendships.
each of which I am so thankful for.

last week at bible study we talked about these upcoming goodbyes.
and there were two points that hit me hard.
1. stay invested in these relationships.
2. stop worrying. God is in control.
(until you believe that, you won't know peace.)
I have had some of the most incredible experiences here.
and with my level of sentiment,
I know I will not be forgetting any of them anytime soon.
so yes, I'm scared & sad & heartbroken.
but the next phase of my life is coming.
and as scared as I am, I'm really excited.
so bare with me as I ride out the waves of
this emotional roller coaster we call graduation
and tie up the loose ends.
 tracy lynn

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